Mere Observations

I Will Never Take American Politics Seriously Ever Again

Since I started using the one-word daily prompts to write, I always make sure to look up the word in a dictionary, to derive its full meaning and see what I can pull off that. With today’s one-word prompt, ha, there was no need. Okay I still did it, but the moment I saw the word, only one thing came to mind. Okay, a couple, but they’ve all been part of one thing:

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You see this? YOU SEE THIS?
Never again will I search for Billy the Orange on ANY engine *clears browsing history*

America, what in tarnations?

“Yes, yes, we knoww… we want him gone too. He’s a freaking loose cannon.”

The rest of the world has been briefed, thx. I just need to understand how this happened. Yes, yes, racism, one of the infrastructures of America, saw to it that this buffoon got into the White House. People who went to university, who call themselves intellectuals, voted for this guy. Why would they sabotage their own country?

Do they know they into the stereotypes we make about Americans? I wouldn’t even let y’all help me choose what type of chocolate I should buy.

“Lindt is great but it’s quite pricey, and who needs popcorn in chocolate? I’m thinking Cadbury but my favourite flavour isn’t here. What do you think, America?”




“You heard me. Brooklax.”

“Do you know what that is, tho-”

“Get it. I know it’s gonna do great things for you, I know. And I know my chocolates. It will really hit your core.”

Oh it’s gon’ hit my core alright.

Maybe I’m being a bit harsh, and there’s really nothing you can do now. But I’m just stuck at how last year’s US elections, eloquently dubbed as the “holy hell get-me-off-this-planet shitshow” (or something like that) by Last Week Tonight host John Oliver, went down the way they did. To think in late 2015, I only saw glimpses of the presidential campaigns and I knew I didn’t like either Clinton or Trump. Did Sanders stand a chance? Not if White feminism would have anything to do with it!

As time went on, I just thought “this is not looking good”. I grasped on tightly to any tiny hope of Trump (I’m not calling him a president. For who?) getting pulled out of the presidential race, but it seems despite his long list of transgressions against anyone and anything, his supporters still thought he was a “stand-up” guy.

I don’t pray, but I do remember on many occasions attempting to mutter into existence “Americans better have enough sense to vote for Clinton. I mean, both are bad, but Trump has no political experience and he makes cockroaches look like better candidates, even roommates.”. Clinton was even banking on the support of millions of White women, but how oh how they let her down. Cold-hearted.

It was all for naught. Y’all were fooled too. That’s why you had all those marches in DC, right?

You saw Orange-in-Chief, all his dirt, the people he picked for his White House executive staff (who, one could argue, are worse than he is), and I believe most of y’all decided that “this is not the guy, we’re not doing this, send out the memo, we can’t let this guy into the Oval Office.”

And then the Electoral College rolled up on ya, like:

75dbbc72afe7abf6e4db84b41c669385images (3)

You know what, I’m not American. I shouldn’t be talking. I don’t even know why I care. But I got American internet friends and I empathise with them.

What’s funny is that in the past month, France has elected its newest president, Emmanuel Macron, who is probably the youngest they’ve ever had. He’s in his thirties and his wife was his high school teacher. You read that right. If you’re here on the Internet, you’ve probably heard of it and thought “that has to be a hoax” *pouts, shaking head slowly and pitifully*


But back to France electing Macron. Why would I mention that? Because of who he was running against: Marine Le Pen, French political bigot royalty. A downright demagogue. Le Pen is what you’d get if Trump went off the spray tans, wore a short blonde wig (he ain’t growing ANYTHING outta that scalp), was fluent in French yet still had a clenched anus for a mouth. I think the French saw what happened to y’all and thought, “[whatever is French for ‘Hold up’]” or a strong “NON!”, and carefully backed away from Le Pen.

That’ll do, France, that’ll do.

Not even in the most deprived, lack-of-resources-because-they-were-plundered-by-imperialists, overburdened countries can an election take on such wild turns. The results of last year’s election and the first 100 days of Oompa Loompa’s presidency should be the straw that breaks TROW’s (the rest of the world) back. We should make you go eat your lunch in a toilet cubicle like Cady Heron.

But we can’t because the USA, the guardian and custodian that the world didn’t ask for, has arranged such types of trade agreements that basically chain less powerful countries to them; let American franchises take over the world (P.S. Krispy Kreme really ain’t need to come to South Africa. We already have enough diabetes running around here.) and have dominated the largest percentage of the global entertainment industry. You have entwined us all into your web, America, we can’t let go. If you fall, we fall with you.

I believe your country is on a fast-track course to doom, and my curious, petty ass just wants to see where it goes. I don’t derive pleasure from someone else’s demise (this is a half-truth), and my anticipation to see what more this year brings, Trump-wise, is based more on “I just don’t care anymore, let the world burn”.

So, if you American citizens manage to survive ALL DIS and the next four years (if it becomes that), then kudos. Don’t f*ck it up next time, demmet! *sucks teeth, clicks tongue*

via Daily Prompt: Farce


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